fucking red furry bastard!

Elmo is inherently evil
People are inherently evil, its proven day in and day out. I remember watching little kids fake punching each other; I remember middle school when the “Stone Cold Stunner” was the “hip” thing to do. What the hell is wrong with us? We so badly want to kill each other, never once thinking about the repercussions of our actions. This is why our world is so fucked up; this is why I stand here, shotgun in hand having to go floor by floor mopping up the menace that came up here to destroy us all. Its bullshit! These fucking things feed off of our anger, our greed. Case in point, post Thanksgiving Day sales. How many of these assholes literally fight over an item, doing battle over a damn piece of cloth or a toy made by the goddamn Chinese for a 99th of the cost that some retailer is going to force you to shell out for it.
So that’s what brought us here, to the apocalypse. Tickle Me Elmo, Xbox 360, and low low prices on DVD players brought about the end of the world. Who would’ve thought it, a furry red creature hell bent on teaching our children how to count and spell had other plans plotting it his furry pint sized brain. I don’t blame Elmo entirely though…I mostly blame you. Yep, I can officially say I blame you all for putting me waist deep in demon blood, so thank you America and while I’m at it why don’t I thank Europe too. Those people are fucking pigs…can’t wait till I have to get over there. Paris will make New Jersey look like Martha Stewart’s house in springtime. I fucking hate France…ugh, do I really have to go over there too, can’t those fucking frogs deal with this shit themselves. Don’t’ they have some French version of me over there? A snooty asshole with a fucked up mustache and a really bad wit about him? How hard is it to find a demon killing French guy…wait scratch that, let’s just find a Frenchman who can and or will fire a weapon without first tossing it to the ground and running like a school girl.
So I stand here…dripping in pieces of demon and searching for more…fuck could this be any more enlightening. I bitch because I care my dear friends. I bitch because I know the future can be brighter if I just make a slight tweak here and there along the line.
Now if you’ll excuse me I have a Cardavian Skin Demon trying to use the elevator, somebody has to tell this ugly shithead that the thing can only hold 2,000 pounds…but let my sawed-off show him the way to the freight elevator…or the use of a new by window can work too
- Demon hunting a go-go bitches -

when did i turn emo?

When did i turn emolord i will never knowwhen did i turn emoperhaps it was that night after the showwhen did i turn emocould it be that i have not listened to enough coco-cobana club to know what is good for me-o?oh when did i turn emowas it when i fell in love-o?oh when did i turn emo...was it when i tried to rhyme every word in a poem but instead made my own words-owhen did i turn emo?back in the day, which was a wednesday and now its another day so lets gooh emo oh emo let me listen to some coldplayand forget you todayi will be emo...
nevermore...o
- yeah i was just this damn bored-o -

Batting .333

RYAN (V.O.)
I mean it wasn’t like she was going to invite me up to her apartment to screw

Angela sticks her key in the door, then turns

ANGELA
Wanna come up to my apartment and screw?

Ryan’s jaw drops

RYAN (V.O.)
I stand corrected

Heart attacks at intervals

And I remember the great words of my friend George, “5 seconds of lip to lip contact can last for 5 years…if you do it right”
Sitting here, in my car waiting for a chance to light up again, making myself semi-prepared for that last ditch effort that I put forth every time I meet with her. She doesn’t believe in romance, I’m more of hopeless romantic then Lloyd Dobler, this mixture is like an agnostic and a catholic. So I sit here for a second, studying the fine job that I’ve done Armor-All-ing my steering wheel…you can see the little lines in it, pretty sweet if you ask me.
Jamie said I was in love…Jamie is a damn liar…Jamie is a damn liar who is so fucking right, damn her, damn her and her damn not lying. You’re supposed to lie to me, supposed to give me false hope, build me up for a massive collapse then when I do fall you’re supposed to be like, “well you tried” so here I am…trying…fuck I need a square, a single square would calm my nerves, however quitting was last years New Year’s Resolution and I am such a damn creature of habit that I carry out my fucking resolutions…I grab a stick of gum, next year’s resolution, quit the damn chewing habit
I hate this feeling and love it at the same time. My heart is in my throat and simultaneously in my stomach. Its doing the foxtrot back and forth, meanwhile stomping on my lungs…I can’t breathe…I can’t breathe…I think I’m having a heart attack
You aren’t having a heart attack
Yes I am
Are not
Chest pains
You’re 20 years old
Shortness of breath
You still have your damn seatbelt on and its choking you
Oh
Dickhead
Hey
Get you ass out of the car
If I wanted to be bossed around by myself I’d…
You’d what? You’d have no love life, now get your ass out of the car
Yes
Just “Yes”?
Yes sir
Damn right, yes sir, you owe all your best times to me
What about last Tuesday
That was your gut doing the thinking
Yeah, shouldn’t listen to him should I
Hell no, listen to the heart, on occasion I’m always right
That doesn’t even make sense
Shut up and ring the bell, we’ve got business to take care of

- Another add on to "Midwest" hopefully it'll be so crappy someone will feel sorry for me and buy it -

How we ruin our lives one miscalculation at a time

So she sat there, head down studying the floor as I stood, inches from her, wondering to myself what I could do to make this situation more awkward, more out of place. I wanted her for so long, wanted her to want me so bad and now here I am, screwing it all up. Being myself has always got me into trouble, more so because I don’t know when to shut up and plus I have this argumentative side, that never really dies down, I can’t lose the fight, can’t let someone else win. So sitting there in silence, in the only lit room in the house, I wonder to myself. Who have I become to her? Why is she treating me like some damn virus, why am I so fucking worried about all of this. All these thoughts are running through my head. Wasn’t it like an hour ago when I asked her if everything was, “Okay”? Jesus I asked a girl if everything is “Okay”, fuck that’s like going up to Jeff Dahmer, salting yourself and saying, “Care for some fresh meat?” Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

So I lean over the counter top and look at her, can’t bear to breathe those words again, so I take a sip from my water bottle, damn it, what got me here? What got me to this point where I am in a girl’s house at 1 AM and I’m not somehow called her boyfriend…damn it, that fucking label has ruined me so many times. It’s been 3 years since I met her, and up until a month ago, physical contact was never an option, at least not in my head.

Damn this stupidity, she doesn’t want me as anything more then a friend, yet here I am thinking of a way to slip in and become the long distance boyfriend, why would she even want that? She wouldn’t, I mean would I? Ok stupid question because yes I’d kill for the chance to be with her…but she doesn’t want to be with me does she? I can’t just ask her that, that’s worse then the whole “You okay?” thing. So what do I say, what comes to mind first…

“I guess I’ll get going”

You stupid son of a bitch…you are the WORST fucking kind of romantic EVER. Hopeless romanticism doesn’t mean you think romance is hopeless, it means you seize the moment; you take that quick shot that she may possibly want you and run with it. You get her a single rose, you grace her hand, smile at her…fuck, and you just ruined it

She’s still sitting there, damn it make a move, even a small one. So I go over and kiss the top of her head…ok that’s good

“See you later”

She looks up, “Yeah see you Sunday”

I kind of stand in the doorframe of the kitchen, waiting for her to get up, she finally does and we walk to the door, she flicks off the light and ok this is the chance, the last kiss you’ll probably ever get from her, better make it snappy…and I do

I kiss her and instead of thinking of her, I’m thinking of what she is thinking. What’s it like for her, is it euphoria or boredom or just casual…fuck I want to know goddamn it…I want to know if this is right.

I keep asking these questions because I’m second guessing myself, worrying and wondering if this is the last chance I have with her and if it is, how am I fairing, above average, below par, she doesn’t give any signals of me being anything more then a waste of time. It feels like one of those moments where I just want to give up and move on, but that’s the problem, I never have…how does one move on from something that never got rolling to begin with?



- Any resemblance to actual events is purely coincidental; this post was written November 10th, 2005 in efforts to write a book entitled, “The Misadventures of the Lovelorn Midwest Teen” -

And the world became a blur…(1)

I clasped the cold steel in my hands, leaving one finger to fall into place over the trigger. This is what all of that training was for right? All the arcade games that had zombies and creepy shit popping up out of the corners of the screen, this was the reality. It was me and a GLOCK, that’s all 16 in the magazine, another 2 clips on my belt, whoever the fuck is in this building isn’t going to be walking out...possibly limping, but no fucking walking. I shake my head a little trying to clear my sight, no use, tunnel vision has set in and the darkness isn’t helping much. Time to get out of this room, leave behind the torn bandages and pray that this flesh wound doesn’t somehow attract whatever the fuck has been chasing me for the past 32 hours. All I can tell you is this, my friends are gone, I’m accepting the fact that their all dead and after seeing Carl’s maimed remnants in this room I’m pretty sure no amount of tears or barfing up my BLT with mayo is gonna bring them back from the dead.
So I have to press forward, praying that something is gonna give and swing in my favor…heh prayer, funny word to say when just nine hours ago I wasn’t believing in a God or a Devil…things change when the Bible smacks you square in the face. Besides leaving a helluva fucking bruise it also enlightens you to the fact that this war that’s been going on for centuries down in the pits of hell and above on the hallowed grounds of heaven has finally spilled into our own backyard. We should’ve seen it coming, when we lost the cell phone signals we should’ve known something was up, but we ignored it, living in the Midwest you learn to ignore a lot of shit till you read about it or see in on CNN. When we finally did get to a paper about 30 hours ago it was being pulled from a dead man’s hands. I guess the headline was what forced me to reach down and pry it form his cold clammy grips. Its not often a highly respected news institution like the Chicago Tribune declares in bold print “ARMAGEDON!” it was hard to swallow at first, then we saw the destruction pictured on the pages. Right there in black and white was the body counts of hundreds of millions dead on the East Coast, whatever it was, or is, its moving across the country and spreading, killing everything in its path. So we holed up, thought maybe the military could stop it, we were wrong, everyone was so wrong. You can’t fight the Grim Reaper, we were so stupid. The first wave wasn’t even in a physical sense there, it was just a mist, what the fuck could fog do right? It ripped holes in the flesh of everyone it touched, never seeping through anything or moving with any intent, just clearing the path for whatever was behind it. Those with gas masks met the next wave. The humongous motherfuckers with picks and axes, blazing hellfire abound as they attempted to capture land, then they, just like us, holed up in several buildings and waited. So we waited too, but people and whatever the hell these things are, get hungry, God knows how many are in here with us, but whatever the count they began to pick us off one by one at around 1 am this morning. Since then we’ve been ducking and dodging them, the only glimpse you’d get of them is if you’re about to be killed by one. I can honestly say that I believe that these things are demons, unleashed for hell to take earth first, to fortify positions before Heaven could make the first move.
So here I am, a handgun, all I have is a handgun to defeat the forces of evil…if I could muster a sigh I would, but unfortunately I think my broken ribs won’t allow it. The wounds, the bones, it’ll all heal, or at least that’s what I was told. See being unconscious has its benefits, cause in truth that’s the only time that God can actually talk back to you. Yes I saw “The Man” and "He" to tell you the truth I wasn’t all that impressed. The white robes, the glowing lights, all of it was dimmed, He didn’t bullshit me any he got to the point, just the kinda God I want to deal with. He said something about this all being a mix up, that I was supposed to die with everyone else, that my being alive was some sort of a miracle he hasn’t seen in a long time. Apparently I outlived my expiration date and undid his will, lucky me, but God in all of his greatness is infallible and by that train of conscious I wasn’t really human after all. My lips made one of those smirks; ya know the “I am loving this shit” kinda one. God was basically telling me that since the devil’s boys screwed up they created something not even Lucifer himself could beat. You see there’s nothing ‘immortal’ on this earth, vampires can be killed, cut their head off bury it eight feet underground, werewolves, silver bullet, demons, stop the heart stop the demon, Highlanders, fucking cheap ass rip-offs, lop off their heads and game over man, game over, etcetera, basically you get the point. So in a sense the good ole Morningstar made me the only living creature that could punish his ass once and for all, kinda cool. Except one small dilemma, see apparently if I can’t die that means that the final battle for souls can never technically be won unless I give me soul to one side or the other, which I can’t do unless I’m at the end of “The Blade of the Savior”. So now I have a choice, either A) Hunt down the guy on either side with “The Blade” or B) kill all the fucking backwards ass demons on earth and restore the peace…hmm that’s a thinker isn’t it.
So I cock my GLOCK and poke my head out into the hallway…time to save the world…or end it, whichever one meets my fancy.

"The Batman"...

EXT. ALLEYWAY - NIGHT

ALLAN AMBRY slams into the brick wall, his faces scratching the rough surface. He slides down to the wet pavement. His eyes slide shut

VOICE
You are going to tell me where he is AMBRY; you are going to tell me, now

Ambry shakes his head and his eyes slip open as a black shadow slips over him

AMBRY
I don’t know nothing, I swear!

The shadow bends down to reveal THE BATMAN. His face is in a dark grimace.

THE BATMAN
You know where he is, don’t lie to me

Ambry still shakes his head

AMBRY
I swear I don’t know BATS I really don’t

THE BATMAN
That's funny, cause this...

He pulls out a small blade

THE BATMAN (CONT’D)
...says you do

THE BATMAN slides the blade across Ambry’s face. Ambry lets out a blood curdling scream

AMBRY
You can’t do this...you can’t do this!

THE BATMAN
Tell me what I want to know!

Ambry shivers with terror

AMBRY
There’s a black and purple house on the end of Gresham Street...he’s
there, he’s there!

THE BATMAN lowers the blade from his face and smirks

THE BATMAN
Thank you

He gets up and lets his long flowing cape flap into Ambry’s face.

AMBRY
He’s going to kill me now

THE BATMAN turns

THE BATMAN
Have you ever felt what a .22 Caliber bullet can do?

Ambry shakes his head

THE BATMAN
Its a once in a lifetime feeling

THE BATMAN draws a .22 Special and fires. The bullet slams into Ambry’s head spraying his brains on the brick behind him.
The barrel of the gun smokes as THE BATMAN slips into the shadows.

[FADE TO BLACK:]

EXT. THE JOKER’S HOUSE OF FUN - NIGHT

Two armed clowns, BUBBLES and JOJO, stand outside keeping watch
The SWISH of metal ripping through the night air turns JoJo’s head to the left, his head follows the sound off away from Bubbles

JOJO
You hear that?

JoJo looks back over to his fellow sentry to find a BATARANG lodged in Bubble’s throat. JoJo spins towards the door, but quickly two more Batarangs lodge into his back. He collapses to his knees. He falls on his side and looks out at the darkness; two white eyes appear and begin to move towards him. He twitches in fear, blood gurgling out of his mouth

JOJO
He’s here...

JoJo passes in a last twitch of synapses.

INT. JOKER’S HOUSE OF FUN - NIGHT
A comically large desk sits in the center of the gigantic dark and empty room. A bright red chair sits positioned directly in front of a floor length window. The chair twists back and forth as the playful giggle of THE JOKER creeps over the soft velvet surface.

A commotion in heard in another room. A few gunshots are fired and bodies hit the floor in unison. Empty shells clank to the ground as footsteps echo into the cavernous room.

The chair twists furiously now as a shadow creeps closer to the chair.
A crackle grows in The Joker’s gut

THE JOKER
Guess my jig is up, should come out with my hands up, prepared to face the press and all that?

The footsteps stop

THE JOKER
There’s days I wish Johnny Cochran was still alive, I say if he can get O.J. off, he can definitely expunge me of my crimes

A heavy breathing answers him

THE JOKER
Not much for talking tonight huh Bats? Well I am...I want to know what you’re here for?

No answer

THE JOKER
Come now there must be something driving you...maybe a little revenge?

Still silence

THE JOKER
OK, allow me to fill in the hole that brought you here...your good friend, the DA’s assistant, she met a cheery and happy end water skiing in Gotham Harbor. All you had to say was “This is not a boating accident” and poof you show up here...sounds good Bruce?

Nothing

THE JOKER
Shoot me if you must, but remember one thing...

The chair spins to reveal a jack in the box with a walkie talkie next to it

THE JOKER
I always get the last laugh

In front of the jack in the box stands a clown, MAXIE, with a letter in his hands with the insignia of THE BATMAN. The video camera embedded in the jack in the box zooms in.

THE JOKER
(over the walkie talkie)
Open it you fool

MAXIE opens the envelope and the Joker’s camera zooms in on the words. It reads, “The joke is on you”

CUT TO:

INT. JOKER’S SECRET HIDEOUT - NIGHT
The Joker looks inquisitively at the video screen, his white face caught in a quizzical look, but his ruby red lips still smiling.

THE JOKER
What in the hell does that mean?

The business end of .22 Special pushes against The Joker’s cheek

The Joker’s eyes look to his right

THE JOKER
Oh...that explains it

The hammer on the revolver clicks back

THE JOKER
You can’t do this; Gotham won’t stand for another murder to cover up on your behalf

THE BATMAN
You think that bothers me a bit

The Joker shakes his head “No”

THE JOKER
Not in the slightest actually, I was just trying to appeal to the soft sensitive side of the Bat, maybe goad the undercarriage a little

THE BATMAN
You don’t want to go back to lock and I don’t want to have to take you back there

THE JOKER
Sounds like we have something in...

THE BATMAN
Shut up

THE JOKER
Right

THE BATMAN
You and I are going to strike a deal Jack

THE JOKER
I like deals

THE BATMAN
If you keep talking the only deal you will be making is with the tip of a bullet

THE JOKER
Gotcha

THE BATMAN
You’re going to tell me everything I want to know about “Him”

The Joker quickly becomes more anxious, it’s almost as if a Howitzer is point at his head

THE JOKER
“Him”, “Him” who, I know a lotta hims, Jim Him, helluva ball player, had a lotta little bastard kids running around when I was at the ripe old age of 5
The Batman digs the barrel of the gun deeper into The Joker’s white face

THE BATMAN
He murdered 20 police officers in cold blood, without a single shot being fired at him...you know more then I do...now tell me

The Joker drops his smile, getting far more serious then he has since his accident

THE JOKER
I swear to you all I know is this, if you mention his name he comes to you, comes to you in your dreams and rips your heart out watching it beat slowly in his hands...

THE BATMAN
Are you scared?

THE JOKER
More of him then I will ever be of you

THE BATMAN
Where is he hiding?

THE JOKER
Some say the docks, others say the sewers...

THE BATMAN
And what do you say?

THE JOKER
What I say doesn’t much matter in this situation

THE BATMAN
It does if you value your life

THE JOKER
He’s in city hall, that’s all I know, he’s in there and he’s plotting something bigger then the rest of us ever could dream of

THE BATMAN
And what’s that?

THE JOKER
He says he has a way to kill you

The Batman creeps in close

THE BATMAN
Good

The Joker closes his eyes and in a flap of his cape, he reopens them to find that The Batman is gone. The Joker lets out a small chuckle of relief

THE JOKER
And let that be a lesson for you, ya lousy rodent
- To be continued... (I hate Batman entirely however he is an excellent villian for a certain special someone close to my heart...stay tuned for a showdown of the finest) -

and that doesnt matter anymore

I slip into nothingness, stuck in a giant white void.
My mind
My dreams
Color merges into white
Pale blues
Dark reds
And the deepest of blacks

Darkness

Fear sets in as I am surrounded by the lack of light.
Sitting
Cold
Lonely
Is it really like this, a lack of warmth, so distant? I don’t feel a thing, can’t smell a thing.
Am I okay?
Am I good?
Am I the best?

I keep my eyes closed, still keeping myself lost in this blank space.
Is this what I waited for?

Her thoughts…
What is she thinking? Are those sounds of delight and ecstasy? Am I hurting her? My God what am I doing? I can’t feel a thing. I can’t feel a thing and stills eh continues
This is pointless, I just…I’m losing my ability to know what is real. I don’t want to open my eyes, but I have to…I have to look into her eyes.

I do
I look
I look into her eyes and I see the same fear that is brewing in my heart
I feel her fingertips grace my back…feeling her warmth against my skin

- How all movies should end...kinda...this is going in the new work -

This is going to sound stupid, but…well here it goes. I spent endless nights staring at my ceiling regretting something, its just been eating at me because I guess I was acting out of character, which is typical because it seems like whenever I was within an inch of you I wanted to be the best damn person I could be…which is never a good thing, I shouldve just been myself and dealt with the consequences…god I can’t believe I’m saying this…I just wanted to know something…I wanted to know if I could kiss you, just one kiss, just to beat down the feelings that have been poking at me for so long. Just a kiss, that’s all I’ve wanted for a lone time…that sounds creepy doesn’t it? I’m sorry it just …
[she kisses him]
whoa…whoa…
you just…we just…do you have strawberry lip gloss on?
[She kisses him again]
Oh yeah…that’s strawberry…
[they begin to makeout]

…is that what you want, me to disappear?

“Nobody knows it/Nobody knows it
Nobody knows it/But you’ve got a secret smile
And you use it only for me”

You don’t have to be so strong so much damn it. Stop it; stop treating me like I can’t be the one there for you. I can hold you, I can care for you, I can love you, yet here you are, throwing me away, why? Is it that bad? Am I not supposed to love you, is that it. Am I suppose to just be your friend and keep on living this lie? No I can’t lie to you anymore. I can’t just be friends with you, don’t you get that? Can’t you see that its tearing me apart trying to watch you go and be happy with some other guy and try and be that supportive friend and say, “Yeah he’s great,” when I know in my heart that I could do anything he could do ten times better and that I know how to make you smile.

I can sing for you
I can dance for you
I can be crazy
I can be intelligent
I can be funny
I can be smart
I can just be me…I can do that with you for the rest of my life

I don’t want to sit here and stare into your eyes and wonder what its like to be lying next to you at night. I want to feel that, I want to be where he is…why won’t you let me in? Are you afraid of me? Is that it? Am I so gruesome, so ignorant, that you don’t want to be seen with me?

No…that’s bullshit…I know what I am…I’m me and I’m the only person right now who’s willing to risk everything in his life, everything he holds dear for one chance with a love at first sight. I do love you and if you don’t love me then say it and I will walk away, I’ll be gone, just gone forever…is that what you want, me to disappear?

So I decided to myself, maybe lying to myself that she was above all it…but unfortunately (for me at least) I kinda forgot to tell her. See that’s th

So I decided to myself, maybe lying to myself that she was above all it…but unfortunately (for me at least) I kinda forgot to tell her. See that’s the thing about this whole “being in love” business, you have to tell the other person and wait for the reaction. It’s like a fucked up game of Battleship. You play out the moves, putting them damn white pegs in the bored for all the missed opportunities, then you get lucky and get a hit. The hit feels glorious ya know, like you’ve finally done something. It’s like look at me I’m the Admiral on The Love Boat or some shit. But then it all comes down to luck cause there’s four directions this boat could be points and god knows if another miss is gonna let her sink your battleship. That’s the bitch of it too, you want to protect yourself at all costs, some people even lie and cheat, moving their ships during the course of the game, it’s really sneaky, but it happens. People are just that stupid to think that the pain of losing love can hurt forever or that it’s the worst pain in the world. How about never feeling love, never having someone love you? Isn’t that something that’s more worthy of the title “Worst Pain Ever”? Isn’t never having a love something far greater then spending 2 minutes and 32 seconds in the heaven that you call your lover’s arms? You were lucky and so was I. I’ve had women fall at my feet, beg for my love in return, yet I couldn’t do it. I could fall in love. Was it her fault that she had me wrapped around her finger? No, it wasn’t it was mine for being so stupid, so ignorant of the fact that she wanted nothing more then a friend. Yet here I am still wondering if maybe I had that one shot, that chance to sink her battleship, would I do it. Could I go in for the kill?
My gut says no, hell no. I couldn’t do it. There’s something about her so karmatic force that’s driving me off. Maybe it’s me…maybe its her. Maybe there’s something to be sad about fate and destiny. They whole idea that I met her for a reason, that it wasn’t all by chance that she laughed at my jokes or sat next to me in class. It wasn’t like we sat in alphabetical order; it was just a random conglomeration of the cosmos somehow pushing us together.
So I decided to let her go…to walk away. She doesn’t like me, hell I doubt if she’s even my friend. Why would she be, she knows how lousy I am at that. Damn it I can’t keep thinking about her like this. Ya know it was never about the sex, never. It wasn’t about how beautiful she was or how I could stare into her eyes forever. It was the thought, that glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe she cared…but I was lying to myself, like usual
- Tethered to a Heather Part 2...this one's a bit more character oriented -

I turn 20 on September 24th...wow am I getting old or WHAT

“I’m getting too old for this shit”
- Danny Glover, Sergeant Riggs, Lethal Weapon Series.

Ok so maybe 20 isn’t “old” per sey, but hey man that’s one year away from full legal rights to anything and everything…I can take out a bank loan [excited gasp] by myself [even more excited gasp] that’s assuming I need more debt then the 30,000 that I’m already in. [shrugs] I don’t really know, school is going good I guess and all of this bullshit writing is kinda helping but well ya know that’s how it goes right.
So whoever reads this I feel REALLY sorry for you, but hey if you’re reading my blog you must like something about me…so thanks? I guess?

Death wasn’t so bad, I mean once you got used to it. The occasional jabs in the ass by a demon and the heat, it’s kinda like being in Miami with a r

Death wasn’t so bad, I mean once you got used to it. The occasional jabs in the ass by a demon and the heat, it’s kinda like being in Miami with a really bad S&M prostitute. But death couldn’t hold me back, not even hell could hold me back, from coming up here to tell you a little tale. It’s a funny ole world ain’t it when you picture the circumstances that people meet…or don’t meet in this case. Take me for example. I slit people’s throats for a living, relieving them of whatever cash I find on their person. That was my 9-5 though, my real bread and butter was working over drunk guys and gals outside of bars. Ya see a drunk person is never alone; they travel in packs of stupid intoxicated people much like themselves. It was always an east snatch and grab or a casual pick of the pocket. But not last night, lord knows last night was the last time I got to do what I love. It was because of him…the bastard was supposed to be dead; everyone has been saying he died. He up and plummeted off the top story of the Hancock…people lied to me cause that freak was three inches from my face and had a 5 inch blade…you do the math…hell I’ll do it for you, two inches of that blade were in my gut and I felt that nice warm sensation like you just pissed you pants. Then came the screaming from the drunkards and after that all I can remember is getting really cold and losing focus. The world slid to black and I woke up here with Bruno the demon tridenting my backside.
He’s back I tell ya…he’s back and he isn’t afraid to kill you…warn them, tell them all he isn’t dead…just really pissed off.
- From the new vengance flick...yeah it hints a little at it doesn't it -

She was right...

The tide laps up on shore, sifting into the sands as it creeps further up towards us. She wanted me to hold her here forever…love…she said that word and it brought up so many bad memories washed in with great things.
I was in love once and only once. I honestly loved her so much that she was the only girl I thought about when I was with her. It hasn’t been like that with any girl since. Its always been these multiples trying to get over one girl with the next, but never really moving on because I’ve always fallen back on that crutch that I don’t deserve to have someone who wants me so bad
Maybe I’m crazy?

Fear love…fear it for all its worth, cause deep down it’s the one thing in your life that will consume you, eat you alive, and yet still it will be th

Fear love…fear it for all its worth, cause deep down it’s the one thing in your life that will consume you, eat you alive, and yet still it will be the greatest thing that ever happened to you. Love is the only thing in the world that you get what you pay for, and it fucking hurts when you pay nothing and get nothing back. Risk for it, take that chance, make your move on her, for god sakes you only have one moment, one moment to make a change in this god-awful existence that you’re eking through. Don’t let love die here, don’t bury it 8 feet deep with doubts and sorrows and that damn lack of confidence. She will love you, love you for you.
Did you quit drinking water when you accidentally spilt some on yourself, did you quit eating food after you stained your favorite shirt with pizza sauce? No, fuck no, you didn’t and you know why because it’s a mistake an accident, they happen. Guess what love is sometimes a mistake, shit happens and you better deal with that right now.
Love is worth dying for, worth killing for; worth risking your being for…love is the right choice. Choose love man, choose her.
Fear love for all its worth, because in the end love is all we got man…and she’s all you’ve ever wanted.

"The Life and Times of C.W. Riley"

I don’t like you…You don’t look the same to me anymore
I don’t like to see you, don’t wanna see you…Yet you come by, still try to talk to me…What makes you think I want to hear your voice, see your face…

I don’t want any of this
I never asked for any of this
I want to be left alone
I have demons and I’ve faced them
I didn’t change for you
I never will change for you…or anyone
I want love undeniable
I want to be free
I have my freedom
I don’t have love
I can rememdy that
I have the cure to all ills

It isn’t a liquid
It isn’t something you smoke
It isn’t something you pop or inject
Its right inside of you, its in your heart
Its in your heart…remember the thing you said I didn’t have, the thing that you said I broke on you

Don’t look at me
Don’t speak to me

If I see you, its nothing
If you see me its nothing

I can’t say those words anymore
I can’t save I love her
I don’t want to say I love her because loving me is a curse

You will get hurt
Wounds heal

You will learn about yourself
Knowledge makes life worth living

You will understand my reasoning
Every girl has…after a few months every girl has

Chalk it up to “shit happens”
Chalk it up to “life lessons”

Do not chalk it up to “he’s a fuck up”
Do not chalk it up to “he’s immature”
Do not chalk it up to “he’s crazy”
Do not chalk it up to “he’s not the type that is ready for a relationship”

Look in the mirror and change your “he” to an “I’m”

Its not my fault you like to cause drama
But it ends here

If I see you on the street you’re just gonna be another person in my city…
I won’t save you anymore…

Welcome to my world…

- From the story by Cody Camp "The Life and Times of C.W. Riley" -

It wasn't supposed to happen like this...fuck

I know every curve of your body, every inch of your flesh…does that make me a bad person? Does knowing where to touch you to make you squirm make me evil? Sliding my hands down your back, feeling each vertebrae from T1 down…I can feel it now, but I don’t want to. I know what you’re thinking, your mind is racing I’m sure, worrying all these wonderful worries.
Where am I?
What just happened?
What is going to happen?
Then the thought hits you and you realize
I know where I am
I know what just happened
I know what is going to happen
And the answers to those questions are more shocking and insane then anything I can depict for you. For you see your mind is probably peeling away layers of how gruesome this can all be. You don’t need to worry though, it’ll all be over soon.
I know every inch of your body, every curve, ever flaw…but I never felt one like this before.
I’ve listened to your heart beat so softly in the night, but never like this before.
The answers to those questions, you want me to confirm them
Yes you are
Yes you were
Yes you will
That doesn’t make you feel better does it…
Sorry wish I could say something that would put that smile back on your face
I wish I could tell you something better
I wish I could tell you that you were
At home
Just sleeping
Nothing
But I can’t, I can’t lie to you about those questions
I have to tell you the truth
Yes you’re in some dank old office building on the south side
Yes you were shot in the back
Yes you were right, you are going to die

- "She is going to die..." the new graphic novel, by Me -

What I should say...

It took me so long, too long, to sit here across form you and not be terrified. This is me ok, this is who I am, who I should’ve been since the frist day I uttered a word to you. You’re right, you don’t know me, you’ve never known me because I was too damn afraid to show me. Well guess what I had a lot of time to think and I said “fuck that noise” to a lot of the stupid shit that I was doing last year.
I was terrified of who I was, I was so insecure it ate me up inside and made me do a lot fo stupid shit. Dating two psychos and then just basically fucking up my whole friend/relation-ship with you…I’m sorry, I am so sorry
Can I start over, can I get that chance to restart this whole thing…can I just reintroduce myself
I’m Cody, I make movies for a living, read comic books, and am a total nerd who has never quit on anyone…and I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my entire life…wanna get some coffee?

"no more will virtual pine boxes be draped with American flags." My article for Time magazine, those guys make up shit anyways right?

The bullets whipped past his troop’s head, but all he could do was watch as the German force overpowered his men on the beach of Sword at Normandy. Ryan’s eye filled with a salty tear as he continued sending wave after wave of soldiers to continue pushing forward on the beach, advancing on the German machine gunner positions. He knows that this is going to difficult but that’s what it takes to overcome the strongest military force in the world. Ryan wipes a bead of sweat off his brow when suddenly his mom calls up to him in his room, “Ryan is your homework done.” Ryan signs and rolls his eyes. He double clicks the mouse and pauses the game on his computer screen.

Ryan Reed isn’t your average teenager; he instead spends over 150 hours on the internet each week, his game of choice, Command and Conquer Red Alert 2. Ryan isn’t typical in his game play however. A student of the History of War, Ryan uses his intellect in the game’s field general aspect to prove the power and tenacity of certain general’s skills in combat. He uses what he calls “The Patton Offensive”, a serious of tank maneuvers that entail the use of little of no ground troops. “The Rommel Offense” is also keeping a keen eye on lower troop usage, allotting for use of the blitzkrieg (the use of a great deal of air support for tanks on the ground). Ryan takes his measures to the extreme. When playing the game using American forces Ryan dresses in full military garb that resembles that of General Patton, from the helmet, to the pearl handled pistols, down to the shined boots. He even sports the bullwhip when he can find the time. Watching him play one can almost become as vanquished as the faux foes on screen. His bitter comments through his microphone are relentless as he pushes through lines of the enemy mowing down the forces with little heed. His eyes glint with little despair until he looks over the totals for the kills. He notices the whopping number of enemy forces dead, and then looks over at his own losses. His eyes gloss over at the number. 102 lost to the offensive that claimed him a key part of the French landscape.

At one point in his career as a gamer Ryan gave up on Command and Conquer after losing 200 soldiers in battle with another player online. He pointed out his ignorance of the terrain and his lack of planning and vowed to never return to competitive gaming on the internet ever again. After a year of mourning Ryan finally returned to foray that kept him up until the wee hours of the morning on school nights.

He still marches his shoulders out on the battlefield, but he has learnt from his mistakes and now uses more offensive military tactics. He has vowed to never lose as many men as he did that day at Normandy. Never again will he have to send the virtual widows of war tiny government issued envelopes of death accompanied by a miniature minister and a pint sized Army representative, no more will virtual pine boxes be draped with American flags.

Yes we are...

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That one thing

"Is someone getting the best of you?"

I started writing my novel...wish my luck, I'm planning on kicking Nicholas Sparks's ass!
Literally speaking of course, cause well the guy can write pretty damn well

WOW

I LOVE FILMMAKING
wish I had another love...but we sacrifice what we have for what we want, sometimes we have to give up what's dearest and closest to us for others, we have to give up on our dreams for the sake of others. I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams.

Does she come back here to tourture herself for all the random acts of stupidity that is my life?

Does she come back here to tourture herself for all the random acts of stupidity that is my life?
Its like that first kiss with someone new, like the last kiss with someone who you knew for too long and wore out your welcome.
This isn't about life or death, love or hate, its about who can forget the quickest and act like nothing ever happened
Running away, dodging, its all so simple
Moving on, finding another, that's simple too
Its the bullshit you have to deal with when people treat you inhuman, when they treat you like you're a liar that's when it hurts forever.
I never told her that I loved her...never told her anything close to it and now I don't think I can...it just wouldn't be right
I have to let things go back to the way they were, her not knowing how I feel and her being safer because of that fact
You can't love Jack cause deep down he's a cold blooded killer
You can't love Peter cause in the end you and him can both be killed by some god awful masked menace
You can't love me because in truth I'll never love you back and you'll get hurt and cry and I'll ruin your life...I never meant to, but its the curse I bear
God I wished I kissed her
I can't, but she will, be loved
I hate being right all the time
Love isn't freedom
Love isn't glory
Love isn't roses and white lace
Love is pain
Love is sacrifice
Love is ripping your heart out and giving it to someone else to take care of...and praying they don't feed it to their dog by mistake
Love is hard work
You should've never loved me if you didn't realize that in the start
I am hard work, you can't change that, can't change me
Kinda sucks don't it
When no one wants a challenge

In the forbidding vastnesses of the Carpathian Mountains was born the fearful legend of that fierce and unholy woman Marguerite Chopin, the last of th

In the forbidding vastnesses of the Carpathian Mountains was born the fearful legend of that fierce and unholy woman Marguerite Chopin, the last of the vampire-witches, who lived beyond death. In the wild depths of these loathsome forests lie the ghostly ruins of an age almost forgotten, when, the villagers will tell you, the vampires - the living dead - roam at night, slowly killing many, driving others of the village to madness. Slaves to superstition, they live in constant fear of a return of the vampires. History has recorded many eyewitnesses to the ghastly orgies of human vampires who, returned from the dead, lurked in the shadows of ancient buildings to prey on their victims. So in this land, every man, woman and child lives in terror of the fiendish vampires. Beat the rugs! Wash them! Soak them in the mill-race where the cool mountain water will cleanse them of the evil spirit of the Devil. Prepare huge rafts to hold the population of the village, for, they will tell you, a human vampire will not cross or touch water! Ghastly flags, soaked in the blood of the last victim, are paraded at ceremonial gatherings to frighten and dispel the sirits of the vampires long dead. I saw hundreds in each village drinking and dancing like wild savages from the South Seas! Could this be the modern world where civilization has given countless benefits? Yes! But here is fear - fear of the horrible, of death never ending, fear of the Devil himself flowing into the body of some villager long dead and returning to destroy the living - perhaps a hundred souls this very night! So these people prepare for the vampires which they know one day will return! This is a story of a whole village under the fateful spell of a vampire woman - the story of the demon Marguerite Chopin. I'll never forget *this* case! It happened in the village the month I was there; it was her *eyes* that I'll never forget!

I never said what I’m doing was right for you or him, but its right for me…damn it I know I’m being selfish just listen ok, for two seconds listen!

I never said what I’m doing was right for you or him, but its right for me…damn it I know I’m being selfish just listen ok, for two seconds listen!
Here I am, not on some kind of mission to save your heart or to strengthen your son’s, but to make mine whole.
It just hurts ok, it hurts not to trust and to feel…love was never about the sex, it was never about when I looked into your eyes…it was about her, about what I wanted in the first place that I could never have.
I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to act like the whole thing was just a lie, but I had to, I had to because I got this stupid idea in my head that if I told you the truth, the honest to god truth, that when I sat across from you, when your lips touched mine I felt nothing, that that alone would tear you apart and cause you to slip back into what you were.
I’m sorry
I don’t deserve your respect or your son’s…I don’t have the ability to be any kind of a father to him, he deserves better…he deserves someone like Alan, who isn’t afraid to run.
Do you know the reason why Alan gave up on you?
It was me, I told him that he could never have you…it was my goddamn fault that he left you and I made damn sure that I was there to pick up the pieces…I lead you into this relationship and trapped you.
So please, throw phones
Break dishes
And wake the neighbors
But don’t ever tell me that I don’t know what love is, because I do know and I will always know that deep down love is what leads you to do such psychotic things as this and I love her Erica I honestly do
And by the way…I found the paternity test results in the garbage, maybe Alan wants to know that he has a kid sleeping in my apartment

I miss ya Dave...

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will...

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough

I was just thinking too much...again

They keep saying we’re all going to die, they just keep saying that as if that’s the only English phrases they now…maybe it is. No bother, death, as I’ve learnt from so many other situations such as this, is the most overrated event in life. Sure the pearly gates are nice and that St. Peter dude is the best bouncer since Sid over at Dream Girls…but well I’ve flat lined once my dear friends and as for this schmuck who thinks that a 9mm is really going to do damage to 20 people, well he’s got another thing coming.
There’s 16 bullets in that clip, 16, meaning he can’t kill all of us and if memory serves me correctly you actually have to have brass balls to pull a gun on a person and this brainy little fuck is about as chopped as a tranny with a bad sex change. Should I enlighten him to the fact that I have a 6 inch long knife concealed in my boot? God only knows what he’s packing in that towel wrapped around his head. I mean I’m not trying to be racist here folks but unless you’re carrying a sandwich up there or a can of Coke Classic, I don’t see much of a point in wrapping that head up ever.
So I guess here’s my plan, this being a moving train and all I might just need one…I’m still trying to figure out what asshole hijacks a moving train, did he flunk out of terrorist school or what? This jackass deserves to die, maybe those 40 virgins he’s promised are the reason why he’s here…I guess there’s only one way to find out.
I slip out from my seat as he begins to wave his piece around again. There’s two kids shaking terrified at this odorous atrocity of a man. I’ve gotta make this quick, maybe there’s some hidden agenda here, he’s strapped with a bomb or something…what a world we live in huh. I pull my knife from my boot
I slink in close and just as Habib, honestly I think his name was Chuck…but that doesn’t sound Arab at ALL, turns to check the passengers I slip my had over his mouth and my knife to his throat. He raises the gun in a panic; I quickly turn him and slam him up against a plexi-glass partion. The gun drops to the train floor and my knife sinks into the flesh surrounding his windpipe. He quickly loses his grasp of my hands and reaches for his throat. He slides down to the ground holding his throat as blood oozes out around his fingers. I swipe the gun from the floor before he can even make a move for it. I look back up at the kids who are even more terrified; I look to their parents and mouth “Sorry”.
The adjoining door to the next car slides open and I turn to see another sly devil in a turban boasting a GLOCK, he attempts to aim, but I’m already two steps and a trigger pull ahead of him, his brains splatter the train walls.
These guys picked the wrong train, they picked the wrong city, and they picked the wrong white collar business guy to fuck with…my name’s Will Boney, named after my great grandfather, you may know him, Billy the Kid

"I would've asked for your number. And I wouldn't have been able to wait 24 hours before calling you up and saying, Hey, how about... oh, how about so

"I would've asked for your number. And I wouldn't have been able to wait 24 hours before calling you up and saying, Hey, how about... oh, how about some coffee, or drinks, or dinner, or a movie... "
Tom Hanks as Joe Fox

The new dramatic work "Girl Triangles"

There wasn't a reason to lie to you, until now. I thought it was the truth when I was speaking it, I thought the words were really what I was feeling, honestly, I didn't know I was lying to you. I didn't do this to hurt you, didn't do it to break your heart. I did what I thought was the right thing, but it all just kind of fell apart. I'm sorry that you still thought there was a chance, I led you on for so long. I just didn't realize that as much as I wanted to be with you there was always someone who was in the back of my mind.
I took that chance with you so long ago, but now when I look at you I see someone different, you changed on me Erica, honest to God, and that's a good thing. You needed to become stronger and grow beyond the borders of those blissful months that we had.
You were right to criticize my morals and my judgements, I never really did love you...it was just the inclination that maybe I could if I moved past so much, but that's asking a lot especially when you're 19. You can't move past school and work and everything at such a young age. I was so wrong to say those words when I didn't even know what they meant.
So I'm sorry, I'm sorry I yelled, sorry I screamed, sorry I wasted your time.
My heart belonged to some else...it has since the day I met you...I just never told her that.
- Cole to Erica, before Cole makes a mad dash for the EL to catch back up with the love of his life Allison -

Watched "The Notebook"

Yeah so I watched "The Notebook"...yeah I'm a sucker for those kinda flicks
Its so depressing because well in the end its all true. We don't choose who we love, we don't choose why it happens. It just does.

Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences...

Johnathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Johnathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Johnathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we crrently refer to as destiny.

Unfinished Scene From Teaching Shakespeare...I've been writing too much lately

ANGELA
Please give me a second chance

WILLIAM
You don’t deserve one

ANGELA
Yes I do, please just give me another chance

WILLIAM
When did you earn your chance, when you slept with Eric?

ANGELA
I was drunk

WILLIAM
That’s a bullshit excuse

ANGELA
I don’t love him

WILLIAM
You don’t love anyone

ANGELA
I love you

WILLIAM
I don’t even know you

ANGELA
Yes you do

WILLIAM
Let me rephrase that, I don’t want to know you

ANGELA
WILLIAM wait

WILLIAM
What ready to feed me more lies?

ANGELA
No I want to tell you the truth

WILLIAM
Oh this’ll be good

ANGELA
WILLIAM I love you

WILLIAM
That’s it?

ANGELA
Yeah

WILLIAM
Well how about you go feed that bullshit to somebody who’ll believe it

ANGELA
Why are you acting like this?

WILLIAM
You think I don’t have a right to?

ANGELA
I said I was sorry about Eric

WILLIAM
Sorry doesn’t cut it ANGELA, you slept with him, god knows why, but you slept with him

ANGELA
It didn’t mean anything to mean

WILLIAM
Keep telling yourself that, maybe it’ll be true one day

ANGELA
I was frustrated because you wouldn’t even touch me

WILLIAM
So that gives you the right to sleep with another guy

ANGELA
No, nothing gives me that right; I am telling you point blank the honest to god truth about what I did

WILLIAM
And what do you want me to do?

ANGELA
Just listen, and realize that I am truly sorry

WILLIAM
I don’t think I can do that

ANGELA
Do you know how many guys I’ve dated?

WILLIAM
God only knows, 500

ANGELA
52

WILLIAM
I was close

ANGELA
Out of all those guys, all 52 of ‘em it took my 53rd to realize what I was missing

WILLIAM
If at first you don’t succeed I guess

ANGELA
I think I told every single one of them that I was in love with them, but it was a lie

WILLIAM
Seems common with you

ANGELA
It took me a while to realize what I was missing, why I didn’t feel like I was even committed to any of these guys

WILLIAM
And what was that?

ANGELA
It was a who

WILLIAM
Who was that?

ANGELA
You, I was missing you

WILLIAM
That’s heartfelt and all, a real tear jerker, but I'm sick of playing this game. You can’t lie like this, saying that I was your first love or some bullshit like that

ANGELA
It isn’t bullshit

WILLIAM
How can I believe that?

ANGELA
Why did you kiss me?

WILLIAM
Because it felt right?

ANGELA
Because it felt like love

WILLIAM
Because I was duped into thinking it was love

ANGELA
I would never dupe you

WILLIAM
How can I be so sure of that?

ANGELA
You just have to trust me

WILLIAM
Ha, as if I could trust you ever again

ANGELA
How can I earn back your trust?

WILLIAM
You can’t, you lost it once

I bleed for my films

Teaching Shakespeare - Scene 1, Act 1

INT. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A long couch sits off kilter as books and magazines litter the floor. Within the abundance of clutter on the couch staring out the window sits a young man, WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, barely older then his 21st year of life. He stares out the window as the echo of a recent conversation reverberates through his mind.

ANGELA (V.O.)
What makes you so certain I’ll be here in the morning? What makes you so certain of anything that comes with the next sunrise. Never lie to me like that again, never. I can’t believe I put my heart out there for you WILLIAM, I was stupid, an idiot for allowing my heart to be taken in such careless hands...but here I am now staring in the eyes of a boy, not even a man, a boy who has no concept of what he has done to me heart. You’re crushing me William, there is no excuse for what you’ve done to me, but yet you still sit there and act as if nothing has happened. What kind of person can be so cold, so bitter towards someone who they once uttered the word “love” to? How can you treat me in such a way? Have you no heart, no soul? Damn it William, damn it all. You have played with your last heart and I have lent mine out for the last time. I hope you enjoy eternity alone and bitter, may hell treat you better then life has.

A door slams and William still sits, alone in the apartment. The voice in his head still echoes with a passion he has felt all to often. He keeps staring out the window

WILLIAM
The next sun will rise, the next moon will fall and I, I will still be without love, without the passion that I thought was with me this time, with her. From the moment I touched Allison’s face, that milky soft face, I knew, I knew she would be the death of me, but I did not know if that was in the physical or emotional sense...and now I am still uncertain.

William gets up off of his couch and turns from his window

WILLIAM
It would be to simple to kill myself, where is the honor in that, the dignity, the passion? Slitting my wrists, stepping in front of a bus, all those are too good for me, all far to simple of fates for someone as horrific as me. God, I ruined her, I made her turn into the person she hates...yet I, I stayed the same, I never change. How can this be? I love and I let go...I feel then I lose the neuron receptors in a blink of an eye. I loved her, still love her, yet I know full well in my heart that I don’t deserve such perfection...it was I who put this one to death, a slow and painful romantic end. The death of a relationship, dear lord I could write a novel, if I wasn’t so abhorred at the idea of writing non-fiction I would, but instead I’ll stick to my life of pure bullshit, tis better that way, no one gets hurt in a land where you create the reality, no one can feel the pain, the anger, the anguish that is bestowed upon them, because in the end, when my finger taps the last key on the last page I can always give them a happily ever after...but where is my happily ever after? Where is my realm of unreality. So many others slip into this realm called love, allowing it to conquer all fears all other hopes...yet I never can. I “mutter the words” yet I know not what they mean. I speak so eloquently, yet I don’t know in which manner the words flow. I am a con in a sense, a con with no purpose other then to amuse my muse, till she bores with me and moves on to her true love. I seem to be that gas station on Route 66 that all great women must pass through to get to their golden western perfection of a man. I can honesty say I am the reason for 3 marriages in the past 4 years, that has to be some kind of a record. What kind of man am I to not be ruthless and cunning? Am I chicken? I think not, but that’s just my lil’ ole’ brain talking. I’ve been told so many times what I am to people, who I am to people, that I think I’ve lost it all in the jumble...Who is WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE? Who is this man who hides behind sonnets and soliloquies. Am I really what they say, am I love’s perfection, hence why nothing and no one can be good enough to be with me? That’s not arrogant is it? Does it really matter if its arrogant? No one can stand and say they’ve never believed the praise they receive just as much as no man can say he hasn’t hit his shoes with a bit of piss now and then, however no man can say he has pleased so many women, without ever having to remove an article of clothing...I take pride in that fact for one reason and one reason only, because a gentleman’s lifestyle is based on three things alone, love, career, and his walk, not in that order of course.
A man’s gout is what sets him apart from every other animal on this earth, it isn’t his urge to be more creative, his control of his sexual appetite, or lack there of, instead it is simply how a man walks. His stride, how each foot pats the floor in front of the other, such as when he walks with a fine young lady or when he hops over a puddle as not to get his 200 dollar wingtips dirty. My walk, my stance on this planet, has slipped into what can be characterized as pathetic...possibly the best word to describe such a washed up loser as myself. I wasted the perfect beauty, so here dear William walks, strolling his apartment, when only a few short hours ago he would be strolling a park with the fair Angela.
Fucking, bloody hell. Fuck it all, you don’t know my pain, you will never know my pain. You pricks, you assholes, you will never know what I feel, the only thing you can know is why...but that story and Angela mean far to much to allow just any man or woman to listen to...however I can immortalize it in one true place, in fiction, where all the great stories of my mind lie. God save the poor fool who dares ever think of this story as a creation of the mind, for no imagination could ever dream the amount of pain I am sorting through right now...God have mercy on the poor man’s soul.

- From the work in progress "Teaching Shakespeare" -

So yeah I decided...

I decided to get the hell off of Xanga and come on over to here, I mean blogs are for people who have no life and constantly write all the time...perfect for me, but Xanga is like the ultimate tool site, so here I am. I'm gonna transfer a lot of my other stuff from Xanga on over so...yeah, get ready for some freaky shit

Does she still exist...yeah, she does

I lie awake thinking about her...is that creepy, thinking about someone you know you can't have? I miss her so much, it just felt weird for the longest time to think I'd never see her ever again, but then that one moment I did see her, it was incredible, it felt like nothing changed...but well everything has changed. We've grown up, grown apart more then likely, but that doesn't make any difference right? There's still that one in a million shot that maybe some crazy day in the future I may be able to sit across the table from her and smile and just know that at that moment that if the world ended that'd be "a" OK, because for a second time in my life, it would all be bliss.

What I'm doing here

God it sucks to have all these crazy ideas in my head, being a screenwriter it gets to you sometimes. So here I am writing out all the really crappy stuff that comes to me, praying that maybe, jsut maybe something good may come of it...here's to hoping