fucking red furry bastard!

Elmo is inherently evil
People are inherently evil, its proven day in and day out. I remember watching little kids fake punching each other; I remember middle school when the “Stone Cold Stunner” was the “hip” thing to do. What the hell is wrong with us? We so badly want to kill each other, never once thinking about the repercussions of our actions. This is why our world is so fucked up; this is why I stand here, shotgun in hand having to go floor by floor mopping up the menace that came up here to destroy us all. Its bullshit! These fucking things feed off of our anger, our greed. Case in point, post Thanksgiving Day sales. How many of these assholes literally fight over an item, doing battle over a damn piece of cloth or a toy made by the goddamn Chinese for a 99th of the cost that some retailer is going to force you to shell out for it.
So that’s what brought us here, to the apocalypse. Tickle Me Elmo, Xbox 360, and low low prices on DVD players brought about the end of the world. Who would’ve thought it, a furry red creature hell bent on teaching our children how to count and spell had other plans plotting it his furry pint sized brain. I don’t blame Elmo entirely though…I mostly blame you. Yep, I can officially say I blame you all for putting me waist deep in demon blood, so thank you America and while I’m at it why don’t I thank Europe too. Those people are fucking pigs…can’t wait till I have to get over there. Paris will make New Jersey look like Martha Stewart’s house in springtime. I fucking hate France…ugh, do I really have to go over there too, can’t those fucking frogs deal with this shit themselves. Don’t’ they have some French version of me over there? A snooty asshole with a fucked up mustache and a really bad wit about him? How hard is it to find a demon killing French guy…wait scratch that, let’s just find a Frenchman who can and or will fire a weapon without first tossing it to the ground and running like a school girl.
So I stand here…dripping in pieces of demon and searching for more…fuck could this be any more enlightening. I bitch because I care my dear friends. I bitch because I know the future can be brighter if I just make a slight tweak here and there along the line.
Now if you’ll excuse me I have a Cardavian Skin Demon trying to use the elevator, somebody has to tell this ugly shithead that the thing can only hold 2,000 pounds…but let my sawed-off show him the way to the freight elevator…or the use of a new by window can work too
- Demon hunting a go-go bitches -